Elegy of a Broken SoulA beautiful smileA joyful laughThe endless joyCaptured in your eyesAll of it goneExtinguished by nightHow we shall missThat sun-bright glowYet, you aren't goneBecause you've left your markIn our minds and heartsAnd thus you shall live onMay you find peaceIn the realm of eternal solaceWhere your soul lives on
Your Departed DestoyerAs I walked up to the front door of my house, I heard them arguing through the open window. I turned around and walked to the back door of my house. Definitely didn't want to walk into one of their arguments. They'd just both try to use me to hurt each other. That's how it worked when I was younger and didn't understand.I was nine, getting dropped off from a friend's house, and thought I heard yelling. When I walked in the door, I saw Mommy and Daddy fighting, Daddy looked really mad. I ran up to my room and started crying, I didn't understand why they were fighting. Mommy came upstairs and told me that Daddy was being mean. I nodded and went down to dinner. When my daddy asked me how my play date was, I didn't answer. I didn't talk to mean people.Daddy came into my room later that night, and asked me what was wrong. I told him that Mommy said he was being mean. Daddy started crying and apologized, leaving the room. I forgave him, after all, he said he was sorry. But the fighting did
Behind My SmileBehind My SmileI smile everyday. I laugh and socialize. No one would ever guess the truth. No one can see the turmoil within. No one can hear my silent screams.In 1st Grade, I'm weird. I'd rather read a book than play a game. People ignore me.In 2nd Grade, I was condemned. I had rocks thrown at me as I sat on the asphalt.In 3rd Grade, I had 3 friends. I clung to them desperately. By the end of the year, I had 2.In 4th Grade, I'm labeled a freak. I'm too smart to be considered human.In 5th Grade, I tried making friends, succeeded, now I have 5 friends. I am content.In 6th Grade, I'm not in classes with any of my friends, people stare and me and whisper, pointing.In 7th Grade, I'm tired of hearing "Freak" whispered where I walk, I start hiding behind a façade of happiness. This makes me more friends, but only hurts me in the end. I begin cutting myself at nightIn 8th Grade, I make friends whom I can tell the truth too, but it still torments me. I cut, but not as often.Don'
SchizophreniaI'm not here, but you can see me. I talk, I smile, I yell, but it's not me. I'm lost in the sea of voices that only I can hear. The voices are my friends, and my worst enemies. My doctor says I created them out of loneliness, but now they keep me lonely. Who wants to be friends with a freak who has voices talking to her in her head? The minute someone hears the word "Schizophrenia" they take off running. I'm not sane, I'm not safe. It might be contagious. I could snap at any moment. This is how everyone who knows feels. So the voices keep me company, reminding me that they are the only ones who can accept me. I believe them most days. They're the perfect friends. Sure, they don't have names, or faces. Maybe they can't hold me when I need a hug, or wipe away my tears, but those voices are the only ones who care enough to desire to do these things. And sometimes, I fade out into the voices, and one will take over, living life for me. Disocciative Identity Disorder, it's called. But, what
Heed My WarningDear Cheyenne, Hello, self of my past. I write you this letter in the hopes that you will take the advice within and make this future brighter. Firstly, I suggest that you step out of your shell around people. Stop hiding behind that book and go start a conversation. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to get to know you. Friends are something you should work for and be happy with. That book might seem like a great listener when you need someone to scream out to, but it can't comfort you. Secondly, I beg you to take a brighter outlook on the world. Stop seeing only the dark side of a situation. For once, open your eyes to a lighter point of view. Perhaps in doing that, you can save you from yourself. That negative energy will overtake you, until everything seems like it's crashing down on you. You might ask how I know all of this. The answer is simple, I didn't have someone to give me this advice, and my life turned out
11. MemoriesThey haunt my wakingThey stalk my dreamsThe joyous laughterThe piercing screamsThey never leave meThey're always thereIn them I wonderIn them I'm scaredThey come from childhoodThey come through lifeSome filled with pleasureSome plagued with strifeMemories, memoriesWaiting by the doorMemories, memoriesHaunt me evermore
LostLost in my lifeConfused at every turnHow do you solve a problemThat you don't know?Darkness gathers at the cornersOf the jumbled mess of my mindSorrow plagues my noontime,And melancholy my nightAnd yet, I smile, and laughSo that you don't worryI smile to make you happyI laugh to keep you joyfulYour happiness means more to meThan my life or anyone else'sI would give the world to keep that smileOn your face foreverAnd yet it hurts, holding it all insideWhen will someone noticeThe way I'm dying every dayWill they care if they do?I take a knife to my throatThen, my mind supplies me with an imageOf you smiling happily at meAnd I can't bring myself to do itBecause it would hurt you
The Shadows' CallShadow voices fill the air,Calling me, drawing me in,As the soft silver sound of laughter rings around meNo light, no escape.And yet, here I find peaceFor the darkness is welcoming, with an open embrace
Murder Can Be FunDon't worry,dearI'll just cut off your headIt won't hurt too muchAnd then you'll be deadCalm down,my love,don't be afraidI'll just kill you now with this knife's wicked bladeWhat could be scary about that?Your blood will trickle in thin streamsFrom you,a few slightly pained screamsThen silence will descendThe blood will start gushingAnd for you,it's the end
To the BoyTo the boy who stopped in midsentence,At random intervals,just to say "I love you"Whose eyes lit up when he saw me,as if I really amAs wonderful as he says I amThe boy who stated his thoughts in screamsWho was so much deeper than he seemedTo you,the boy who lacked eloquenceBut made up for it in confidenceThe boy who once said "I cannot beAnybody else but me.And I can't be meWithout you"
SorryI say I'm sorry I'm falling downI beg forgiveness as I drownHolding on for dear lifeTo the weight,the gun,the blade of the knifeThe need for you to love meI'm sorry
MaskShe wears long, baggy clothesBecause she says they're comfortable.But roll up her sleevesAnd you'll see nothingBut cuts and bruises.
To HerYou're the reason for my everythingYou're the "why" I can't explainYou're the dream I'll never leave behind.You're the name-sake of my butterflyYou're the hope I can't let dieYou're the girl that won't get off my mind.You're the love-poem I could never writeYou're the thought that keeps me up at nightYou're the smile that doesn't want to fade away.You're the face that lives in fantasyYou're the dream I almost seeYou're those whispered words I'll never dare to say. ... I love you.
Hidden ScarsLook at herWhat do you see?Can you tell that she's hurt?Can't you see that she bleeds?If you only look at the liesYou'd say she's just boredBut look in her eyes:Don't you see that there's more?She goes day by dayAnd no one suspects the agony she hidesDon't believe her happy face;On the inside she criesShe's good at hiding her painAnd the cuts on her armsShe stands in the rainWhen she can't fake 'fine' anymoreNow she can't breatheThe pain's too much to bareShe can't hold in the screamsAnd she's running out of airLook at her;What do you see?Can you tell that she's hurt?Can't you see that she's me?
InsidiousYou're worthless,Pathetic,And you have no use on this planet.Whatever you say
I really don't careYou're ugly,Disgusting,And you're never going to have a future with anyone.Okay can you stop? You're getting on my nerves
You're a loser,Invisible,And nobody would care if you disappeared.That's not true
right?You're awkward,Stupid,It's no wonder you have no friends.Shut up! Just stop already!Oh just give up,Give in,Its not like you ever meant anything to this world.Please
why are you saying these things?That's it now,Bring the razors to your skin,Watch the blood flow down as it filters out your pain.This is all your fault
Look at your scars,What a freak,Leave it to someone as stupid as you to do something like that.I had no choice
You should end your pain,All your suffering,Its really quiet simple.Really? How?Easy now as you bring the gun to your head,Now carefully p